Not A Monster
by Luminescify
Summary: Set in manga chapter 187. Inuyasha massacred a group of bandits in his youkai form. The group stops for the night and Kagome goes to comfort a guilt-ridden Inuyasha.


**DISCLAIMER****: I don't own Inuyasha, and let's face it, never will. Darn.**

**Author's Note:**

**This fanfic happens in Inuyasha Manga chapter 187, "Blood-Stained". Inuyasha morphed into full-youkai and massacred a whole group of bandits. Sesshoumaru came in and saved the day by knocking Inuyasha out cold, thereby effectively making sure that Inuyasha doesn't turn into a "mindless killing monster". The group stops for the night, Kagome tries to go comfort and guilt-ridden Inuyasha.**

**A big thank you to Hannah (Amputation) my beta, for more awesome work! **

**Rated for ****violence****, ****language****, and ****lime****. Low citrus content, with lots of fluff and angst!**

**Make my day by typing out a little review. Criticism welcome, but no flames. **

**Thank you, have a great day!**

**-Faith (Forever And Ever Inuyasha)**

**Not a Monster**

The flames dance about in its sensual but dangerous choreography, licking the edges of the logs as though their arms are reaching out to the sky, occasionally sending out sparks that slowly fade against the velvety ink of the night sky.

I stare dispiritedly at the wood which is just beginning to char. Miroku-sama is looking contemplatively into the fire as well, while Sango-chan sleeps fitfully. Shippou-chan and Kirara seem to be having no such problems.

Inuyasha is nowhere to be seen, but I know he'll be up in a tree somewhere or deeper in the surrounding forest.

I can only imagine what is careening inside his head right now, eating away at him inside. My mind continually plays on what happened earlier today…

Within the cocoon of poison, Inuyasha' body jerked to life and his youki gave out a pulse of energy. You could practically _see _all that was humane disappear from his visage.

Jagged, violent, violet streaks appeared on the sides of his face, his sharp fangs, and claws lengthened, making them impossibly feral and impossibly dangerous. His eyes bled to a cruel red and sparkled with bloodlust. His muscles tensed and a savage snarl ripped from his throat as his inner youkai took absolute control. Inuyasha lunged. Faster and more deadly than ever before.

His razor-sharp claws slashed brutally through the air, as he mercilessly felled one bandit after another. They were dead before they hit the ground. A sadistic expression previously unbeknownst to Inuyasha unfurled on his face, and grew stronger with each life he pitilessly took. His face was transformed-twisted-into a barbaric image that none of us could recognize.

And, blood. Oh, so much blood. It flowed in little rivulets on the ground, splattered on the bandits' bodies, drenched Inuyasha's clothes, and stained his claws.

The last time he transformed during the battle with Goshinki, it was different. He _had _been ruthless, but came back to us, when I managed to convince him that there wasn't an enemy around anymore.

Today, nobody's voice had reached him. Not mine, not anybody's.

Just as I was thought this was the worse that had happened, Sesshoumaru turned up and my blood turned to ice. Inuyasha wasn't in his right mind and this was a perfect opportunity for Sesshoumaru to kill Inuyasha… but before I could take half a step, or utter half a syllable, the brothers had begun their fight.

When Sesshoumaru knocked down Inuyasha, though, I could stand it no longer. I flung myself on Inuyasha, ignoring Miroku-sama and Sango-chan's cries of protest and surprise, and yelled at Sesshoumaru… To my utter astonishment, he told me he has no plans of killing Inuyasha just then and to get Tetsusaiga to Inuyasha immediately. I still can't believe he helped us; the idea is as unfathomable as it is heart-warming.

When Inuyasha came to, the expression of guilt, horror, and self loathing on his face cut through me. He's disappeared ever since, refusing to respond to our calls.

But, much as Inuyasha thinks he needs to be alone right now, I know better.

Apparently, Miroku-sama does too.

"Go on, Kagome-sama. I'm holding fort here. You really need to talk to him," he says as he catches my eye. He's right.

I nod once with a grateful look, brush the dirt off my skirt and head into the forest, Inuyasha's name on my lips.

* * *

><p>I'm a monster. A beast without a shred of self-control.<p>

I'm going crazy in my own head, with all kinds of fucking nonsense swirling through. As much as I've tried to wash it off, the stench of the bandits' blood seems to drench my claws, and I feel so shitty; I wish Sesshoumaru _had _killed me.

Contrary to what all the numbskulls back at the camp must be thinking, I'm not high up on some tree. It was where I'd first _headed, _but I forgot what a great view those high branches provide. A fucking _wonderful _view of the place where we fought. You can see where the blood has stained the ground, the mutilated remains of the bandits' armor and their bodies heaped in the distance.

Yeah, _heaped_. I feel like ripping my brain out of my head, it hurts that much. I mean, _it wasn't supposed to be this way. _

Oh, shit… I can hear footsteps and…. Fuck, it's Kagome. How am I supposed to even look at her face? She doesn't have to look at or talk to a murderer like me.

Her smell is stronger, I can hear her calling out my name and I'm panicking… There has to be some place to hide around here! Leaves, bush, bush, more leaves… yes! Rock shelter!

* * *

><p>Just as I caught a glimpse of red, it turns into a blur. I'd really kill for a torch now, but I'm grateful that he's on the ground at least. Where could he be running? Ah yes, there's a rock shelter there.<p>

Before long, I'm almost at the mouth of the little cave and I can see a desperate look in his eyes. He's frantically looking for a way to escape. Unfortunately for the baka, it's a _cave. _He's not getting away.

My slight amusement immediately gives away to concern when I see Inuyasha scooting into a corner, trying to mold himself into the corner farthest from me.

My heart aches for him, my Inuyasha.

Slowly, cautiously, I approach him.

"Inuyasha…"

"Get away from here, bitch! No one invited you!" His tone is harsh, it's like he's hit me across the face.

"Inuyasha, it's okay. It's just me, Kagome. I just came here to check on you and see how you were doing."

"Keh! Fucking wench, it's you should be worried about! Aren't you afraid I'm going to rip your guts out too?"

I deliberately go near him and kneel next to him. When I gently place my hand on his shoulder, he shudders.

"Inuyasha, I'm not afraid of you. Nor are Miroku-sama, Sango-chan, Shippou-chan, and Kirara. They trust you. _I _trust you. What happened today, it was horrible, but _not your fault. _Do you hear me, Inuyasha? _Not your fault. _You're-_"_

* * *

><p>"A filthy, vile, stinking half-breed! ' Not my fault', my ass! I'm an abomination and I should fucking be killed. Sesshoumaru's right, I'm… I… don't come near me, Kagome! I don't deserve you, or your friendship or even the others' friendship, because it could all go when I slash you to the ground like some blood thirsty monster!" I cut in harshly.<p>

_I _expect Kagome to see the innate truth of my words and get the hell away from me as fast as she can, but just as I finish my tirade-

SMACK!

My head whips to side with the force of her slap. I'm practically reeling, I'm that shocked. It's enough to drive away all thoughts of today's fight for a minute.

"What the fuck, bitch? What the hell did ya do that for?"

"_Inuyasha," _she thunders, "You are going to _stop _referring to yourself that way, and you will _stop _that _ridiculous _line of thought! _Do you understand me? _You are a _hanyou, _not a _half-breed _and are in no means a monster! An abomination? You are the product of a love so strong it bound a daiyoukai and a human! Have you ever gone on a rampage _killing _people? Destroying things, yes, but never _killing! _Have you ever eaten another human or youkai? _No, _and yet you call yourself a monster? So your youkai got out of hand…but it wasn't for nothing! Your life was in danger, your friends' lives and honor were in danger, and morphing into a youkai saved all that! Countless times you've saved countless lives… you're rude, but you're kind. You're stupid and tactless, but also protective and honorable. You help people, you avenge deaths, and you're strong and brave and compassionate and… and handsome, and… and _I don't fall in love with monsters, so there!"_

By the time, she finished this, my mouth was hanging open and she was sobbing…

I did the only thing I _could _do.

I kissed her.

* * *

><p>I'm yelling at him, tears streaming down my face and just as I finish, Inuyasha bends his head down to mine and gently presses his mouth on mine. I'm nonplussed, but instinctively, my arms are wrapping around his neck, his arms are encircling my waist. <em>This <em>is heaven; I could stay here for all eternity…

* * *

><p>As I kiss her, I'm suddenly surrounded by all that is Kagome, her scent overwhelms me, and I might have just died. I'm waiting for her to pull away, to be repulsed, and to tell me that her dialogue was all a big joke, but she doesn't. She doesn't.<p>

* * *

><p>We both draw back slowly, self-consciously and I feel <em>mortified. <em>I'm about to turn my head and run for it, when a clawed hand ever so slowly cups my cheek. I look into Inuyasha's eyes and all I can manage is a choked, "I hope you got what I was trying to say."

He gives a weak chuckle and nods. Hesitantly, he looks into my eyes.

"Ka-Kagome? Do you really l-love _me?"_

"Y_es, _you baka. Everybody's noticed except _you_ and I'm sorry for blurting it out like that, I shouldn't have-"

"No," he shakes his head slowly, "It's good to know. Kagome, I…I-"

Now it's my turn to interrupt.

"It's okay, I understand…"

"Keh, no, you don't!"

* * *

><p>She doesn't understand. Nobody's noticed except <em>me. <em>I'm not _just _an over-protective and jealous bastard. I'm an over-protective and jealous bastard in _love. _

And I _want _to tell her just that. Except, it's a little hard…

* * *

><p>Amazingly, I can see it in his eyes too, those amber orbs that are right now telling me that he loves me as well.<p>

I smile up at him, "You're not a monster."

* * *

><p>I'm not a monster.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

**Be so kind as to leave a review, folks. Let me know what you think. Thanks again. =]**


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